Dearest K,
I would be lying if I said this hasn’t been the hardest year I’ve ever had to endure. It was both the longest and most quiet one. The absence of your voice and presence has left a deafening silence.
I often found myself kept returning to the images of us, of brighter days. To be reminded over and over again that love does transform for better and for good.
The shock and aches, now, have changed shape. They have spread into the daily nodes where I truly hold you in the world that keeps moving and evolving.
One day, in the lifetime after, I hope that you would recognize this version of me, one that’s gentler and more passionate. From you, I’ve learned to have courage and confidence to strip myself bare allowing myself to be vulnerable with the people around me. And I’ve realized that I’m not entirely alone in this whole process.
To be loved is to be known, and I am forever grateful to have you, in however short of time it was. You are the main chapter, the heart of a story, and never meant to be a footnote.
Love and grief are indeed the two sides of a coin. Grief is the price that one must pay for loving wholeheartedly. The length and time that one grieves is the exact length and time that one loves. For that, let me carry us and our memories for the rest of my life.
And to say in your ever beautiful words “truly, life becomes much easier when you are starting to understand yourself. And I hope it only gets kinder and kinder from here.”
To love you endlessly,
R
